howlingplayground | (no subject)

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Misa is waiting in the only place she can be hidden and not found on this Death Star: Lord Vader's quarters. She'd tried to meditate earlier and had been, well, poked because the Emperor would be able to find her then. She hates not having anything to do, but apparently, her nervous energy blends in with all the other nervous energy on this... horrific monstrosity.

She sighs and leans against the door, her head tilted back as she stares at the ceiling. She concentrates just enough to know that a fight has started. So. Skywalker had shown up? Good. But that doesn't mean that she's not going to help. Oh, she's not stupid enough to go marching into the throne room and trying to decapitate Palpatine - though it's tempting - but she knows that her Lord cannot survive this without her. Her visions had shown her that much, though she's not sure what to think about them.

Another sigh as she begins to pace again. She needs to get out of here, to get somewhere... Her head snaps up. Something had happened to her Lord. Something... Alarms start going off all over the Death Star and she says his orders be damned, she's not staying here. He needs her.

The entire base is in disarray. Stormtroopers and officers are running all which way. She doesn't care about them. She needs to find him. Racing down corridors that she doesn't find familiar, trailing his fading Force presence, Misa is not going to let him die. She doesn't know that she can help him, but she's going to try!

She skids around a corner, slamming into a trio of Stormtroopers that fall as she uses the Force to right herself. Palpatine is dead. She can tell that. He's dead! She stops, reorienting herself and then dashes off again, sliding around another corner. THERE! There he is. Being helped by... Who is that?

But then the guy falls, and she can't hear what he's saying to her Lord as she pounds her way through the people between them and her. She skids to her knees, just as he's reaching for the helmet. "Don't!" She says, panting. "Don't, you'll kill him!" She puts her hand on Lord Vader's shoulder. "And I'm not going to let you die." She whispers as the Force flows through her, slowly - painstakingly slowly - trying to stabilize her Lord. "We need to get him on the ship and into his bed." She says, not looking at the man who had been carrying Vader. "Please, help me." She waves at the black shuttle that is Lord Vader's private ship that they'd been headed for.

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She ducks her head, glad he likes the food. He'll love her mother's cooking, if something so simple can make him happy.

She blushes at his thanks. "I... Lord Vader saved me." She says, softly. "He saw a young, terrified girl, and rescued her from a life that might have destroyed who and what I am." She can see that now, with years of separation. With the kindness of her parents, and yes, even the kindness of Lord Vader, she can see that being a courtesan, no matter how much she thought she wanted it, would have destroyed part of her.

"I am glad to repay what he has done for me in some small measure." She whispers. "As long as you forgive me, as he does, when I become imperious because I am the Healer and really do know best, I think we could become friends?" Perhaps more, were he willing, but that's a conversation for a different time, a different place.

All it means is that Anakin Skywalker had never truly been lost. Ben had been wrong. As had Master Yoda.

Not that Luke would say it to their faces. Or, well. He thinks he should be the type of person who wouldn't say it to their faces, but he probably would. If only they were here, with faces, to understand the gravity of what's happened. To know that Anakin has come back to him. To them.

He blinks at Misa. "I almost died tonight because I offered myself up to the man who cut my hand off expecting him to change his mind," he says. Maybe he is tired--he wouldn't normally be so blunt. "I think I can safely say a lack of forgiveness is not an issue I have."

And he smiles at her, as if to say, it's not a question.

In some ways he had been lost - so far gone the person he'd been, the man who stood on a veranda on Coruscant, lightly running his hand over his wife's belly while also holding her, had been someone he hated. A weak man who'd lost everything due to god own stupidity. But he'd never truly stopped loving even if as far as he knew, the people who he'd loved were ghosts.

He had been lost, feeling like he'd backed himself into a corner with no way out and had lashed out at those who would keep him there. But slowly he'd found ways out. Trained himself when Palpatine refused to. Reclaimed things he'd been good at, great at. Reclaimed the ability to care.

You left me, you wanted me to die, you didn't care about me! He probably would have screamed those words, could he scream, at Kenobi would have at Yoda. It had taken time but he'd latched onto the lifelines he'd found and been given. Had clawed his way back to something.

Whatever this was.

Misa chuckles. "Whereas I was there, just in case you didn't believe in him enough." She wraps her arms around her knees. She shakes her head. "It has been a day." She says, dryly. Rocking back, she looks at the trees and at the stars that are peeking through the veil of branches. She has no doubt that the animals of the forest are watching them. She knows Lord Vader is keeping an eye on them.

"Well, since you've already forgiven me, I'm going to prod you a bit." She nudges him with her elbow. "Eat, then sleep. I'm going to be telling your father the same thing as soon as I've put you to bed." Meaning, it will be up to her to keep an eye out. She's used to being spread out over an area, and the two men have had an eventful day. And if she has to, she can help Lord Vader sleep. She's done it before.

"Do you want some help sleeping?" She asks Luke gently, putting her hand on his knee. She'll take liberties, because she can and he's already forgiven her, right?

If he'd known she was thinking about his forgiveness, he would have been confused. Or even more confused. Forgive her for what? For believing in his father when literally no one, including himself, had? He blinks at the hand on his knee, not out of any sort of discomfort but just sort of overcome with the stress of the day, and back up at her face.

"I can't let you keep watch," he says dumbly. "What if something happens?"

He doesn't think he'll need help sleeping. And he also has no idea what she means. There's so much he doesn't know. So much that will probably terrify him in retrospect.

But if he'd known anything, he'd never have started out.

He knew Misa would be coming to fuss at him to sleep. He knew it would likely lead to disagreement - Vader not wanting to sleep, Misa knowing he needed to. And eventually, he would doze, in fits and starts. But he was unwilling to sleep, here, on Endor, with it being so unstable.

Not that the girl hadn't kept watch before, not that he didn't trust her to do so, over himself and his son. He's not paranoid, people truly want him dead. Would harm her. Would possibly harm Luke to get through.

But Luke at least needs to sleep and he knows Misa won't leave him until he is.

Oh, she and Lord Vader have gotten into arguments before about his lack of sleeping. She knows there are things she cannot possibly understand about his nightmares. She knows that his nightmares are only a part of the reason he doesn't like to sleep. But, she also knows that he needs sleep. He feels better after he actually sleeps and not just dozes. Plus, if he dozes, she can work a little bit tonight, even while she's keeping watch.

She smiles at Luke, amused at his concern. "If something happens, I won't be far from you, and you can roll out of the shelter, and rescue me." She's teasing. She very, very rarely needs rescued and once had been because that Toydarean, Treeko, had sent a bounty hunter to find her when she was fifteen. Lord Vader had not taken well to such a thing happening.

"Really, Luke," she uses his name for the first time. "I'll be okay. I'm going to get into an argument with your father," still weird to say, "and then, I'll be meditating most of the night. It'll help my focus, and allow me to protect all three of us." She knows that if the Rebels come upon them, likely the only person to get out unscathed is Luke. "You have been through an emotionally and physically taxing trial. It's okay to let someone else bear the burden for a moment." She says gently.

He wants to argue. He wants to frown and ask if he really sounds like some hero with what Han would call "delusions of grandeur." He wants to set up a rotating watch. He wants to do a lot of things except he suddenly realizes... he really doesn't.

He's tired. Exhausted, even, in every possible way. And he can't fight her, too.

"Okay," he says, suddenly giving in. He smiles tiredly at her. "You're right, and I'm no good to anyone if I don't rest. Thank you. For ... everything."

Is he aware of the discussion outside? No. He's aware of the emotions and feels both Misa's resolve and Luke's exhaustion. Skywalker presses up against him after a moment, trying to conjure up what it felt like when his mother had tucked him in, kissed his forehead, to put him to bed. He barely can remember what it felt like and can't imagine what it felt like from her end. But he tried to send that emotion, of being loved, of being safe, of it being safe to sleep and time to sleep from a childhood he wanted to forget and yet couldn't escape.

He pressed against Misa too, approving fondness and resigned to her fussing that would come.

The fussing is coming. There's no way Vader is getting out of it. The only way he can is by sleeping, which means, she wins anyway!

She presses her presence back against him, reassuring him that his son will be safe and cared for. She would never allow anything to happen to Lord Vader's Son.

To Luke, though, she just holds onto his hand and bumps him genially with an elbow. "You're welcome. And you'll find that I'm right, rather often." Especially when it comes to physical complaints. She knows both men are exhausted and sore. She also knows this isn't the worst Vader has been. But he doesn't have anything else to prove. Palpatine is dead.

Palpatine is dead. And his father is alive. Some might contest the actual state of his health, and his validity as a father figure, but to Luke, he has his father. Not back, no, because he'd never been anything but a fantasy to begin with.

For the first time.

He thinks it will be hard for him to fall asleep, but it is a matter of minutes from his head hitting the ground to fatigue overcoming him. This does not mean the Force is done with him, however...

Palpatine is dead but he knows that doesn't mean the threat is over but it is radically reduced. They have time. Time for him to heal, to go digging through the wreak ob the Death Star for things he values.

Time to reach out, to attempt to find an old friend, to see if she meant it - "I won't leave you this time" - because Luke (and Leia) will need training he can't provide.

He can almost hear "trust me so little old friend?" but ignore it. There are things, people, he's not ready to face.

But of course, the Force week do as it's wont to do. To him. To Luke. He knows it's easier for those who have joined the Force to speak when one sleeps and its only part of why he resists.

But Luke doesn't know that perhaps or has less opposition to the idea - Skywalker knows he's fast asleep and himself well. There is that twilight between sleep and wakefullness he can almost swim in.

And its in sleep that Luke will find himself standing on an ancient stone plaza, with a large stone carved with equally ancient word around the edge, and Kenobi waiting. "You did well Luke." It's warm, welcoming.

Misa waits for Luke to be asleep, and then, she banks the fire, and gathers up the food to go into the ship with her. Putting it away, she sits next to Lord Vader's bed, and realizes while he's not asleep, he's resting and sometimes that's the most she can ask for. She won't bother him tonight about actually sleeping. She doubts he'd take well to her good-natured nagging anyway.

She takes in a deep breath and lets out the terror, the uncertainty finally. Lord Vader is alive. Luke is alive (She'd had thoughts that if Luke died, there'd be no stopping her Lord from following him). And Palpatine is dead. She knows that the Emperor probably had contingencies for just such a possibility, but for right now, he's dead and they can take a deep breath.

She doesn't sleep. This isn't the first night she's kept watch over her Lord for one reason or another - at least this time it isn't, directly, because of Palpatine - and she knows that Luke will probably need her come morning.

Staring at the ceiling, she takes another breath and releases her rigid self control, allowing her senses to spread out over the area. She can feel Luke, her Lord and the creatures curious about the silent metal creature in their midst. She just lets herself ride that sensation against her senses. It is, for once, peaceful.

Luke stirs slightly in his sleep, but not enough to really make any noise or rouse anyone. In his... dream? Vision? He is still. Watching Ben with a sort of wariness, despite the other man's obvious warmth. Ben seems to always show up only to throw his understanding of the world into chaos, and now is no different.

"I thought you'd be disappointed," he says finally, and if he has questions about where he is or how, he doesn't voice them. Yet. "You said there was nothing left to reach."

It's not to say 'you were wrong' so much as to say, 'you thought I was wrong,' and even if it amounts to the same thing, it's the latter he means.

"I had no reason to believe there was Luke." Obi-Wan could at least admit that - even if, even now, he harbors doubts and concerns. Jedi who have fallen so far and climbed back up are rare and those who come as close to being as powerful in the Force as Anakin Skywalker are fewer still.

And there are legends which circle this very topic. Ones that if repeated could spell a terrifying time for the galaxy. "But no, regaining Anakin Skywalker...for personal reasons, for the fate the of the galaxy, there could be no better outcome."

Luke doesn't need to know about the discussions which had threatened to spill into outright shouting between the three Jedi who knew the rise and fall of Anakin Skywalker best and found each other again to discuss it. He'd always had a problem with attachment but Yoda hadn't been wrong in his assessment that Obi-Wan was also overly attached to his former Padawan.

And he doesn't need to know that another Jedi was currently trying to reach Anakin, for all it seems the near-youngest of this lineage is engaging in a proverbial slap fight to not in fact speak to anyone. Qui-Gon Jinn, however, is nearly as stubborn as Anakin, sometimes more so - so it would be interesting to see who would win.

Currently, Skywalker was winning, or he thought it was. It was possible the old man was trying to wear him down, but that was...a worry for later. There were few words to express how much he was reluctant and afraid to run into the specter of the man he'd once worshiped and fear was not an emotion he was used to entertaining.

Misa is very confused. She leans away from the bed that she'd taken to leaning against. She glances back at her Lord and wonders what the kriff is going on. She's felt his nightmares before and this isn't that. She isn't sure what it is, but she feels... something? Someone? She isn't sure.

Her Lord had told her about Force Ghosts, but she's never felt one before, so could this be it? She frowns, feeling another... thing around Luke. That's disappointing. No one's ever come to talk to her. That's... really disappointing. Not that she thinks herself worthy of such a visitation, just she's curious and being denied knowledge doesn't sit well with her.

And, alright, she's jealous. Jealous and curious. And it's not fair. She huffs out a sigh, knowing she's being ridiculous.

So, what should she do about it? Well, nothing, really. There wasn't anything she could do about it. She takes a deep breath. Something to be done was a scan of the area. So, that's what she sets her senses to do. Nothing close enough for her to feel except the fauna of the world.

A warmth creeps up through Luke's chest at Ben's words. Yes, he yearns for the older man's approval, as much as he's balked at his questions before. In some ways, Obi-Wan is the father Luke has never known. Now that he has that father back, knowing Kenobi believes he has done the right thing is the best present he could be given. And he'll need that warmth to sustain him through the next difficult days.

"They were wrong," he says earnestly. He's not reading Ben's mind, of course. It's the logical train of his thoughts. "The Jedi, I mean. The... thing about attachments, about emotions. It's how I knew Anakin was still in there. It's how I--we--both survived. We wouldn't have, without that connection."

"They were wrong in wanting to deny him training to begin with. And Anakin so often felt unwanted, alone, because of that choice being made quite clear to him right from the start. Not helped by my not being ready to take on Padawan learner but no one else would." And he'd been left alone, to founder through not just training a Padawan but raising a deeply troubled and insecure little boy. One he'd come to love, far more than a Jedi should love. "That is a longer discussion and one probably had including your father." If he ever stops shoving his fingers in his ears, at least.

"However, something you should know, he should know, is this: Your mother's last words were about him, I know there is still good in him. Never did she stop believing in him nor loving him." Something he'd been willing to conceal had Yoda been right - better to not have that in Luke's head. But now, knowing what they know. Knowing Anakin - those words would be something he'd latch onto as tightly as he'd latched onto Padmé herself and would pull him through the slog to come.

Yoda's words floated into his head and he's certain Qui-Gon can hear them as well - 'Qui-Gon's defiance in you I sense. Need that, you do not.' Because somehow from Qui-Gon down, to Obi-Wan, to Anakin, to Ahsoka, to Luke - somehow they had all possessed that.

But who had they learned that from, really hm? he could hear Qui-Gon answer.

Skywalker meanwhile was still trying to push Qui-Gon away who was just standing back, allowing the fight to wash over and around. It wasn't difficult for him to understand the problem - the last time Anakin Skywalker had heard his voice had been on Tatooine, during his first tumble into the Dark Side, of course, he wouldn't want to face him. But as patient as the Dark is, The Living Force is more so, and Qui-Gon knew the fight would ebb out eventually. The tiny training connection which had begun between them hadn't been severed, as Anakin never severed attachment. Even if he'd deny it.

Even if he was loudly denying it currently. Almost shouting it - it was, Qui-Gon thought, like the smallest Younglings shouting they weren't tired when they could barely keep their eyes open.

"Aren't you tired of this Anakin? Isn't home where you want to be?" He asked, the first direct statement he'd made towards him.

"The Jedi weren't home!" It's all but screamed back and that's the crack, because it's not a lie, not something he'd managed to convince himself of in order to live with what he'd done. It was truth he'd never admitted out loud and spitting at the face of the man who'd promised him something better wasn't a simple crack in the dam but a catalyst, a failure of the structure. "They didn't want me! No one did!"

"I did." It's quiet and patient and kind. More speaking to the boy on Tatooine than the broken man before him.

"You died." It's nothing but an accusation of betrayal. With enough emotion behind it that the items on the ship quiver a bit.

She can feel the ratcheting tension with her Lord and doesn't like it. She never likes it when his temper starts to fray. Oh, it's only been turned on her a few times. But it is spectacular in its intensity. It's always controlled, he always makes sure of that, but it is frightening. She dislikes it because it does scare her at times.

Misa turns a worried eye on the monitors that watch his vitals. They aren't happy. She takes a chance and puts a hand on his thigh. She doesn't want to wake him, just soothe him a bit, get his blood pressure and pulse back where they should be.

She concentrates a little, but knows her Lord will resist. He always does, even when he wants the soothing, he resists. She sighs and starts humming softly, a gentle lullaby that her mom sometimes hums when Misa has trouble sleeping. (She doesn't have his nightmares, but her sleep isn't always easy.) She starts weaving the humming and the soothing together. Maybe it'll work... maybe it won't.

"My mother." Luke stills, as if by doing so he can drink in this little piece of her, hold her within himself.

It gives him something in common with her father, a point of connection even apart from the ray of hope it represents to them both. He looks back up at Ben.

"Why did you let me go through this alone?" he asks finally. He doesn't want to accuse his mentor. But he's spent the past three years walking into the dark, hoping he'll find his way out.

"Padmè yes." Because he's not even sure Luke knows her name. "You have cousins too, and more from her Clan. Anakin would know more." So please don't ask: he's decades out if contact with anyone who would know.

"You seemed so sure of something I was sure of the opposite. How could I have lead you?" And if he had tried, would it have ended nearly as well?

He didn't believe so. It would probably have ended in Anakin dead -as Vader - and Luke as destroyed as Obi-Wan had been when he'd exiled himself.

Skywalker was still fighting with...whatever was going on. A dream. A visit. But distracted by Misa and trying to mentally push her away too, leaving his attention split.

"Anakin you know I didn't plan for that. I didn't want to leave you or Obi-Wan." It's firm but sympathetic.

"He didn't wasn't me either." It comes out sulky, sully. Doubts he'd never completely quietly but buried. Ones Palpatine had fostered and fanned until they erupted.

And there's no way Misa couldn't sense the profound hurt in her master, when while trying to mentally shove her away. And losing both battles.

Misa doesn't know what's going on with her Lord's emotions. The utter... pain? Despair? Something ratchets back at her as he tries to push her away. She doesn't know what to do. She wants to help, she wants to tell him that she's there, but she does neither.

Instead, she rolls up onto her knees, ignoring the hard metal plates under her, and takes his metal hand into her flesh ones. She can't know what her Lord is going through, but he's not going through it alone. She's there. She will be here until he tells her to leave, or something happens to separate them.

Misa feels the tears on her cheeks, and leaves them there. It isn't the first time that she's cried because he can't, and wouldn't, even if he could.

It takes Luke a moment realize what Obi-Wan is saying. He hadn't abandoned Luke.

He'd believed in him. Maybe it's all he's been through the past couple of days, but a flood of emotion wells up in him, all that he's been trying to suppress just to get through it all. He looks at Ben with his heart in his eyes.

"We're going to be all right," he says with quiet passion. "I'm going to take care of him." He doesn't know how, yet. He doesn't know how to get any of them what they need without running afoul of those who will wish 'Vader' harm. But he's going to figure it out.

Obi-Wan crossed over to stand beside Luke, reaching over to squeeze his shoulder and give his upper arm a pat. He wasn't comfortable being physically demonstrative, and had grown less so during the isolation of exile but he was willing to guess Luke was more like Anakin in that regard. "He's going to need it. But he's going to latch very hard onto you, and well. He was never one to really let someone take care of him. It's more something you manage despite him." As everyone who'd been in a position to try had learned.

"Anakin that isn't fair." Qui-Gon scolded gently, not wanting to pick sides, but aware of how much Obi-Wan did love Anakin. "He didn't know you and as he did, he did want you."

The answer is met with a scoff, a harsh sound he really wasn't capable of making in the waking world. Of course, they'd had conversations with the same accusations and answers over the years. They hadn't made him feel better then and this wasn't now either. Of course, there wasn't any place to pull away that would be slamming him into Misa, even if he can sense her, and her reaction to his own feelings. And he certainly doesn't mean to drag her into his hurt. Although she isn't trying to calm him down anymore so he doesn't need to push that away - which saves his energy. And without being fully asleep his fingers tighten around her hand a little.

Although the willingness to put up a fight is dwindling. He's not drawing on the Dark Side nearly as much and that means it's not sustaining him anymore. "What do you want Qui-Gon?"

"We've missed you Anakin-"

"You or everyone else who decided to try to set my son to kill me? Or who decided to use my wife as bait, no matter the danger she was in?" He wasn't just still feeling rejected but angry - which was a common emotion for him, but it just felt more hollow now.

"Anakin. Lashing out at me isn't going to make me leave, and it's not going to undo the past. Not the wrong committed against you or by you. Or against Padmé." Which wasn't really the point the he wanted to make, but he could meet Anakin where he was right now.

His fingers tightened on hers, and she feels his anger. Looking up at him, tears on her cheeks, she is still trying to calm his vitals, though that seems to be a pipe dream right now.

She doesn't know why he's feeling what he's feeling, but her presence is solid and present. She is another person, much like him, that doesn't give up her people easily. She's lost too many. Her biological parents, the courtesans of the House, and then, almost, Freema and Jocko. And this man, this broken, sad, destroyed man, had taken her in, taken in the pair that had become her parents, and given her a place to live, not just survive. He'll have to pry her off with something a bit stronger than a lightsaber.

Misa double checks the area, just in case, but they're safe, for the moment.

"Let me help." She whispers, worried about his blood pressure and pulse. "Please."

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lol sorry Misa!

WELL MISA GO TO SLEEP THEN.

SHE CAN'T SHE'S KEEPING WATCH

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